FastUpFront

Want to take a mental health day but are having trouble coming up with a good excuse? I scoured the web in search of the best excuses for not coming to work, and here are my top 30 finds. If by the end of this list you still need more inspiration, check out this site.

1. If it is all the same to you I won’t be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
2. When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can’t get off the john, but I feel good about it.
3. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e * log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
4. I can’t come in to work today because I’ll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
5. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet…
6. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine at Wal-Mart.
7. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won’t be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I’ll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
8. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
9. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn’t come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
10. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won’t bite things when I am startled.
11. The dog ate my car keys. We’re going to hitchhike to the vet.
12. I won’t be in today. My home is flooded and I’m currently standing on my dresser in my second story bedroom.
13. I have a bad case of diarrhea, gas, or food poisoning.
14. I am not coming in because I tried to dye my hair blond, but it came out green!
15. My dog is having puppies and I need to help her.
16. I won’t be able to make it to work today due to my Aunt flying in from ______________, you see, she has one arm and two pieces of luggage and really needs me to be there for her.
17. Don’t call, don’t write, don’t let anyone know what’s going on – take an extra week, or two. Then when you are ready to go back to work, just call up your boss and say…. ” Don’t pay the ransom – I escaped! “
18. I’m sorry I was late, I forgot to look at my watch!!!
19. I called in and told them my front door fell off my house!
20. I’m sorry that I’m late for work today boss. I stayed home to wait for the cable guy. Then I remembered that you don’t pay me enough for me to have cable. So here I am. 
21. Sorry I’m late, but I couldn’t get my car started. Boss: Why not? Employee: I was asleep.
22. Sorry….I over slept and I forgot to come in for the first day of work at my new job. Is it OK to come in tomorrow?
23. I’m sorry I am late, but it was foggy and I missed the building.
24. I can’t make it to work for the next couple of days , my leg’s in Kentucky. (He has an artificial leg)
25. I thought that I’d be more productive if I didn’t come in today.
26. I dropped my car keys in the snow and I’m waiting for the temperature to warm up so I can find them.
27. I can’t come to work today. My house is burning down and the fire engine’s blocking my driveway.
28. I won’t be in today….I’m calling in dead.
29. The blankets were too heavy for me to lift so I was stuck in bed all day.
30. I’m really just working from home for free!

Enjoy your day off!

It is common among small businesses that employees learn to become expert jugglers who must successfully manage numerous, often unrelated positions and responsibilities. And as the current economic downturn continues to hinder sales and cut into profit margins, this trend is only getting stronger.

While combining positions may be a necessary step towards conserving capital and riding out the current economic climate, small businesses run the risk of employee burnout, high employee turnover, and a severe drop in productivity.

Thus, it goes without saying, that managing your employees when they must wear multiple hats demands care and caution.

So, here are a few ideas to keep in mind:

• Make sure the person’s responsibilities are clearly defined. Spell out exactly what your employee is expected to do, and make sure that each duty is fully understood by your employee.

• Create a mix of responsibilities that is doable. This may take a little fine tuning over time. You need to determine that the workload is not too high and that the positions go together.

• Try to make it fit the person. The additional responsibilities should be appropriate for the employee’s skills, talents, and personality. Don’t, for example, give an unorganized person a bunch of administrative tasks that demand organization.

• Be prepared to be flexible. Have in mind that this is a work in progress. You may need to reallocate or redefine your employees’ duties over time.

• Create an appropriate pay scale. Even though saving money is a priority, it is important that your employees do not feel that you are taking advantage of them by paying them too little. For tips on how to determine an appropriate salary, check out this article.

• Allow for and encourage feedback. Knowing how your employees are feeling is one of your best indicators of how well the new positions are working out. Make sure to check in with your employees continuously to see how they are managing.

• Make sure there is downtime. To avoid burnout, make sure that employees have ample break and vacation time.

With the right attitude your employees can stay happy and productive even if they will be working harder.

Image credit: flikr user: Party Pig

In about two months, the responsibility of running our country will be put into the hands of President-Elect Barack Obama. For me, as a small business owner, the thought of a new administration in the White House automatically conjures up a funny mixture of hope, anxiety, and nervous anticipation.

Rarely in history has a new president inherited so many acute problems requiring such immediate attention and far-reaching solutions.

In the grand scope of things, it seems that the plight of new and established small businesses could easily get lost in the shuffle.

Although it remains to be seen whether or not that will happen, it certainly pays to be informed about Obama’s attitude on the business sector and the direction he intends to take on relevant issues.

To that end, I have compiled the following summary of President-Elect Barack Obama’s stance on several key points directly effecting small businesses and start-ups.

Tax Reductions and Credits: Obama is in favor of several tax reductions and refundable credits with the goal of reducing the corporate tax burden and stimulating growth. Here are the highlights:

• Exempt investors from the capital gains tax on their investments in small businesses and startups if they made their investment when a small company was valued below a certain threshold.

• Make the Research and Development tax credit permanent so that firms will rely on it when making decisions to invest in domestic R&D.

• Establish a “Making Work Pay” tax credit of up to $500 per person, or $1,000 per working family. This can benefit self-employed small business owners who end up paying both the employee and the employer side of the payroll tax.

• Make the Renewable Production Tax Credit permanent so that farmers and investors can increase renewable energy production and create new local jobs.

• Extend the Section 179 tax deduction, which increases the amount businesses can write off on their taxes for capital investments in new equipment, through 2009.

• Offer a 50% refundable credit for employee health insurance premiums paid by the employer.

• Freeze the exemption amount of estates free from the estate tax at $3.5 million and top estate tax rate at 45%.

• Give a temporary tax credit of $3,000 in 2009 and 2010 to companies that maintain or increase the number of full-time workers in America.

Business Development Programs and Job Creation: Obama plans on initiating and expanding several programs to encourage business development and growth as well as increase the number of jobs available to American workers

• Create a national network of public and private business incubators to support entrepreneurship and spur job growth. Obama wants to further invest $250 million per year to increase the number and size of incubators in disadvantaged communities.

• Fund federal workforce training programs and direct these programs to incorporate “green” technologies training.

• Expand the SBA’s direct-lending Disaster Loan Program to extend loans to companies affected by the economic downturn and credit crunch.

• Temporarily eliminate fees and increase the amount guaranteed by the government through the SBA’s 7(a) and 504 programs, which insure lenders against defaults on small business loans.

• Create an Advanced Manufacturing Fund to identify and invest in the most compelling advanced manufacturing strategies.

Increased Business Responsibility: Obama wants businesses to increase their obligation to provide for their employees

• Introduce a plan to increase income tax for those earning over $250,000 at a rate of 2% to 4% – half of which would be paid by the employer.

• Require employers to either offer a health care plan, help pay for employee health care costs or pay into a national health care network.

• Require employers to automatically enroll their employees in 401(k)s or IRAs.

• Raise the minimum wage to $9.50 an hour by 2011 and tie future rises to inflation.

• Encourage states to adopt paid leave systems by providing a $1.5 billion fund to assist states with start-up costs and to help them offset the costs for employees and employers.

• Create a program to inform businesses about the benefits of flexible work schedules; help businesses create flexible work opportunities; and increase federal incentives for telecommuting.

Worker’s Rights: Obama strongly supports worker rights, with an emphasis on their involvement in unions and their ability to organize.

• Work to initiate the Employee Free Choice Act that will guarantee employees the right to join unions and organize without harassment from employers.

• Overturn efforts to limit the definition of those workers who qualify for the workers’ right to organize.

• Introduce legislation to ban the permanent replacement of striking workers, so workers can bargain collectively without fear that they will lose their jobs.

• Expand the Family and Medical Leave Act to cover businesses with 25 or more employees (instead of 50) and to cover more situations as well, including allowing workers to take leave for elder care needs.

• Enforce the recently-enacted Equal Employment Opportunity Commission guidelines on caregiver discrimination.

For more information, check out this recent article for a basic summary on Obama’s platform. You can also surf on over to Obama’s official website.

With concern growing over the health of the global economy, many consumers and businesses alike are doing whatever they can to ride out the impending storm- and that can spell growth and financial opportunity for those who can capitalize on it.

So which sectors should still thrive in the current credit crisis?…

• Financial consulting and tax planning. As the economic downturn forces businesses and consumers to focus on savings, the need for professional financial consultants and tax planners will only rise.

• Accounting/performance management software. Any software applications that are designed to increase performance or efficiency, such as accounting suites and CRM packages, should remain in strong demand among businesses seeking to preserve their profit margins and maintain their competitive edge.

• Outsourcing services. As businesses seek to reduce costs, expect a continued increase in infrastructure management and applications services. This also spells good news for free-agents, telecommuters, and “momprenuers.”

• Telecommunications. Manufacturers of mobile devices and telecommunications equipment as well as supporting software should continue to perform strong as businesses rely more on telecommunications to reduce the ever rising cost of travel. Reliance on IP data, such as VoIP, is also expected to increase among small and mid-sized businesses due to the tremendous cost savings.

• Online Marketing. By tapping into web-based marketing, businesses have several relatively cheap alternatives to traditional marketing at their disposal, such as e-mail marketing, blogging, and sending out newsletters, press releases, and articles. In fact, Google recently announced a 26% rise in their third quarter profits that they attribute to the fact that “targeted, measurable ads” are becoming more important to advertisers looking to reach as many possible customers while operating on a tight budget.

• Entertainment. Video game sales are on the rise as consumers with tight budgets are foregoing travel, trips to the cinema, and dining out in favor of staying in.

• Alternative financing. In this shaky financial climate it is no surprise that it is getting increasingly difficult for American small businesses to receive traditional bank loans. There has thus been an ever growing trend towards alternative financing ranging from the risky high, interest payday loans to the more mainstream invoice factoring, equipment leasing, and business cash advances.

image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/thetruthabout/

The recent announcement of Sarah Palin to the Republican ticket has spawned much discussion and debate about the ability of working women to balance motherhood with careerism.

Women traditionally have felt and still feel that they need to change themselves in order to succeed in the working world. And there is much disagreement over the effects and benefits that these changes have on women when it comes to being wives and mothers.

On one hand, various studies indicate that one of the major motivating factors for women starting their own business is to have more flexibility and a better work-life balance. This means they can work and still have the time and energy to focus on their family life. Many mothers further claim that having and raising children sharpens their decision making and planning skills, and in short makes them better suited to be in the business world- whether they are working for themselves or others.

On the other side of this issue stand a surprisingly significant number of working women. Many women claim that it is hard to juggle work and family obligations even when they are running their own business and even though they began their ventures seeking more flexibility and freedom.

 

Ms. Palin has put herself at the center of this debate by virtue of the fact that she is publicly straddling two very challenging positions. It goes without saying that filling the Vice Presidential slot will demand more than a typical 9 to5 job, and as many point out, her family responsibilities will also require an additional dose of care and attention. (Check out this recent post on workingmother.com and read the comments that follow.)

So will Ms Palin help or hurt the image of working mothers? I believe the real answer lies in how she ends up handling these two roles if elected. Her success will depend on her ability to set aside the necessary time and attention for herself and her family while still carrying the responsibilities of Second-in-Command.

If she succeeds, she will be a role model of sorts for working mothers everywhere- even with all the other speculations going around. If she fails, it could force a lot of working mothers to reevaluate the way in which they are giving out their time and energies.

Only time will tell.

Image credit: From Flickr user infacinatorinc

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sensitivity in the workplace is an important issue for many large companies and small businesses.

The wrong words, actions or discourse can result in a dysfunctional working environment, human resource nightmare or a dangerous legal matter.

Workplace sensitivity training is becoming common practice for most businesses. Obviously some of those exposed to the training are more open to others and I’m sure you can imagine certain businesses that might not be so open to utilizing such training. I may have taken the idea a little far with this comic, but it’s all in good humor; enjoy!

No matter where you turn these days, you will get the message that the state of the economy is hanging in a critical balance. Many recognize that the problems engulfing the U.S. financial system have reached the level of crisis- not only does the situation need to be fixed, but it must be done quickly.

So will the Bush Administration’s $700 billion, tax-payer financed bailout work? I think the million dollar (uh… billion dollar?!) question here is not so much where the money is coming from, but rather how the money will be used, how it will be replenished, and who will be held accountable.

In other words, is there a clear, detailed plan based on responsible decision-making that takes into consideration proper asset management and accountability? And does this proposal include a plan of action based on several possible outcomes that may result from the outlay of so many billions of dollars?

One of the biggest criticisms of the Bush administration’s bailout is that it appears to be a knee-jerk shot from the hip- and that could spell a disastrous failure.

Proper crisis or disaster management in any area of life means first and foremost having a plan in place. This plan should include a breakdown of responsibilities that details who will do what as well as how pertinent information will flow from one person or department to the other. There should be an explanation of how to mobilize available assets, including where to go for emergency funding, and the goals should should be clearly defined.

Bottom line: if your thinking of implementing a disaster or crisis management policy in your small business, don’t learn from the government.